Saturday, April 17, 2010

Disembowel My Abode, Why Don't You?

I’m not sure how all-consuming my online presence is going to be over the course of the next month or so as all manner of workmen are due to descend on chez Whirl for a festival of central heating and bathroom refits.

A number of special occasions beckon, so I have one or two posts up my sleeve — and it may be that the current political battle here in the UK will provide something worthy of comment beyond the usual “Twat Cameron”, “Stuff Clegg” and “Could Gordon Brown’s ears provide the template for the pea green boat in Tim Burton’s forthcoming Owl & The Pussycat movie?”  If you’re lucky, there may even be photographs of plumbers’ backsides and informed discourses on a range of related topics — everything from stop cocks to U-bends.

In addition, I am reliably informed that Protrudio is currently lurking close to the thick-skinned surface of a nearby custard swamp and may burst forth at any moment with news of a writing exercise, complete with the usual crap crap crap crap CRAP prizes.

New socks, too. Stripy.

So we have it all to look forward to, you and I.


fairyhedgehog said...

Stripy socks are all very well but you promised all will be revealed...

Oh well, a kilt with some stripy socks will just have to do.

writtenwyrdd said...

Poor you guys! I'm sure the end result is worth it, though.

word veri: obliopsy, which may be a strange disease, yet to be discovered...

Old Kitty said...

Stripy or Stripey?

Who cares - I want to see builders' bums!


And could they be drinking diet coke too? Shirtless?

Thank you oh swamp creature of the custard variety.

p.s. I got given "election crisps" at Liverpool Street station - salt and vinegar flavoured!

Take care

Kerrie said...

Not sure about political comment but I will be back later in the hope of a stop cock.

JaneyV said...

Hubby decided to renovate our bathroom when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. We didn't have a toilet for several days. My nice next door neighbour said "no worries, you can just use our outside lavvie any time you like."

I don't know if you know this, as it is a very tightly kept secret in the sorority of womanhood - we don't even tell women before they get pregnant - but pregnant women are worse than cows for greenhouse emissions. First thing in the morning is the worst. So you can imagine that I was grateful fot the use of that outside lavvie right? Well I would've been if it wasn't for the fact that the next door neighbour, the guy who lived next door to him and the next guy along too used to stand outside said outside lavvie eating their cornflakes and chatting at exactly the time I needed to use it.

I used to walk past them every morning and went to the shed at the end of my garden just to fart in peace.

Looking forward to all your anecdotes about butt cracks and stop-cocks!!!

Robin S. said...

New socks? OK!!

Just read down and laughed my ass off at Janey's story.

So yeah, we need a plumber butt crack shot as well, please...

Now it's back to allergy/sinus headache clean the fucking house up for the real estate agent to put it on the market looking all glorious and oh yeah trying to stay on schedule for movel edits oh sure like that's even possible dammit...

Whirlochre said...

Spiky One
There's a fine line between a tantrum and an ultimatum...

Sounds like a precog with a wooden leg.

Old Kitty
I too want to see builders' bums — cast into oblivion. or would that technically be akin to 'disappearing up your own arse'?

OK — I may post a photo (assuming my old loo has one).

Ah — the 'going somewhere else to fart' ruse. Tried this once at a Quaker meeting house only to discover some old bloke sat in the corner doing that reflective quietness thing. Not good.

So you mean we get to be Dual Travail Dudies? Wahoo!

Bernita said...

Stop cocks.
I asked for one at my local hardware store, needed it for my rain barrel. The clerk smirked.I wanted to hit him.
Apparently the item is now called a "gate valve" or some such.

Whirlochre said...

Any euphemism that obliterates cocks is a no-no in my book.

Scarlet Blue said...

...and if the cock stops, then never faucet.

Whirlochre said...

The pendulosity of your smut has never been plumber...

Scarlet Blue said...

Very good!!!