Thursday, April 15, 2010

There's An Englishman, A Scotsman And An Irishman — 3,973 Camels And A Masseuse 7

“There’s an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.”

“Where?”

“In the joke, stupid.”

“Hey, I know that — d’oh. I meant, where are they, in the joke world?
“A rodeo.”

“Which one?”

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters.”

“OK, we’ll say Montana.”

“What do you mean, ‘we’ll say’? You’ve just plucked that out of thin air. You could have said anything. Texas. Kansas. Peru.

“I went with Montana because it’s famous for horses — but if you’re going to be all Fancy Pants Johnny about it, I’ll Google it. There, look, in Wikipedia. Wyoming. The three blokes are in Wyoming. Satisfied?”

“No. What are an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman doing in Wyoming?”

“They’ve travelled over on a plane.”

“From where? I can’t think of a single UK airport that’s based in England, Ireland and Scotland all at the same time.”

“Ok. Fine. So they flew from Heathrow after the Scotsman had driven down from Edinburgh and the Irishman had travelled across from — and you’re going to love this — France.

“France?”

“That’s right, he interrupted his family vacation in Paris to spend three days away with his old school chums.”

“So they’ve known each other for a while, huh?”

“That’s right.”

“And do they do this rodeo thing often?”

“No. This is the first year. Before, they’ve done Disneyland, the Great Barrier Reef, and the Berlin Wall.”

“The Berlin Wall? That’s not much of a tourist attraction.”

“The Englishman had a great grandad who died in the war.”

“So why didn’t he go on his own?”

“He gets lonely on long journeys. No wife or kids like the Scotsman, you see.”

“And the Irishman has a family too, you said?”

“Yes. And a dog. They’ve got a lovely big garden, and the plan is that when all three of them get back from Montana—”

Wyoming.”

“Wyoming, yes. Anyhow, when they get back, the Irishman plans to build a small stable and get a pony for his daughter. It won’t be rodeo but he figures it will remind them all of their trip.”

“Which they haven’t made yet.”

“That’s right. Because I haven’t told the bloody joke.”

“Ok. But before you go any further, let me get it straight up to now. So you’re saying there’s an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman?”

“Yes.”

“And they’re all going to a rodeo in Wyoming?”

“Yes.”

“All without their families — because the Englishman lives on his own and needs the company, the Scotsman has left his family in Edinburgh and agreed to come on the trip so the Englishman has got someone to talk to on the plane over, and in any case he probably wants to go to the rodeo too because the three guys are old school chums and do this kind of thing every year, places like Disneyland, the Great Barrier Reef and the Berlin Wall, and the Irishman is tagging along too, kind of to be there for his pal, like the Scotsman, kind of to take in the show, but also because he’s something of an animal lover and wants to figure out the whole horse and stable thing so he can get his daughter a pony, and maybe because the family dog is lonely too. The Irishman is possibly the most committed to the trip because he’s taken a break from the family holiday in Paris to join his friends, and maybe he feels a soft spot for his English pal because his great grandad died in the war. Is that it?”

“Yes.”

“Heard it.”




20 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

I'm glad I'm in the house on my own today and don't have to explain my sudden barks of laughter.

Old Kitty said...

Hi

So what happened to the Welsh man?

:-)

Take care
x

DJ Kirkby said...

You just described what it's like to try and tell a joke to an Aspie!

Bernita said...

All sharp or blunt objects should be removed from the vicinity immediately.

Whirlochre said...

Hog-cum-Dog
Strange, I always had you down as a whooper...

Old Kitty
There's a reference to the Welshe in the archives here.

DJ
Glad to be convincing at something other than pretending to be a dwarf, which I can just about pull off when I don my special costume and stand in the purpose built hole in the corner of my living room.

Bernita
But the bean bags are OK, right?

Ann said...

OMG! I can't stop laughing. Getting strange looks from all around.

Kiersten White said...

I love you so much. That's all. Maybe I should just link to you every day, and then I'll never have to be clever again, because you're funny enough for at least three people, and I really only count as .75 of a person anyway, maybe .66 if you're really being mean. So I should totally be able to sneak in under the umbrella of your funny.

Whirlochre said...

Ann
Glad to hear it — though you should try being me in the supermarket with my ridiculous socks on.

On which note, Girly-of-Whirly has purchased a second pair, in wondrously snazzy colours.

Watch out for their arrival soon...

Kiersten
How you tickle the stomach of my unrestrained glee with your 'umbrella of funny'. Which reminds me, I must dig out the old seaside photo of myself as a three year-old with a monkey sat on my shoulder. There's no umbrella, but as the monkey is easily .66 of a person, we could at least begin figuring out how to pull this whole stunt off without injuring ourselves.

Indigo said...

Oh for gosh sakes. I would have made the other person sit through the joke all over again, after all that. Then again I'm a woman of very little patience. (Hugs)Indigo

Whirlochre said...

Indigo
Thanks for dropping by. And do come back and have your patience tested soon — I can be spectacularly irritating.

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

This is awesome!

LOL

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Yep! It's official - you totally crack me up! :-)

Whirlochre said...

Shannon
Ok, I'll arrange to have the hoardings run out nationwide.

Kiersten White said...

For the record, Whirl, I don't even own a sweater.

Whirlochre said...

Kiersten
And neither are you a monkey.

Everyone Else
If you're wondering what this monkey business is all about, make sure you come back some time round the middle of next week when all will be revealed...

fairyhedgehog said...

make sure you come back some time round the middle of next week when all will be revealed...

You're moving fast, Whirl. One week it's your face and the next...

(Not that I'm complaining.)

Whirlochre said...

Carry On Hogging
Oooooh, missus...

writtenwyrdd said...

I'm with Kiersten.

JaneyV said...

WAHHHAAHAHAHHAHAHA - that's brilliant!

I've missed you Whirlio!

Peter Dudley said...

I spend most of my free time these days failing to come up with comments witty enough for your posts.